Acceptance

You know what I just realized? I haven't bit my nails is a very long time. I think it's officially been a year...or almost a year since I've stopped the nasty habit. I feel like a huge part of my success is owed to hand lotion, cuticle cream (for the extra dry days) and water of course. Staying hydrated inside and out, if you know what I mean! Mostly I feel my non-bitten nails is a reflection of my mental health these days.

I feel very at ease lately...or I guess I should say very ACCEPTING of myself and my life circumstances. I've decided to relinquish a lot of my need to control everything which has truly spared me from a lot of anxiety. I am able to bounce back from minor arguments with CJ without holding grudges all day, or being caught up in over-analyzing shit that doesn't really need to be over-analyzed. I've learned to trust more which is a huge milestone in my book, honestly.

Aside from these things, I don't know what else has changed! I am SO thankful I got off of all my prescriptions, both the anxiety medicine as well as the birth control. It feels so nice to be unaltered, both mentally and hormonally. My body was made to function as it is right now, minor blemishes and all. So what if I'm a little crazy, sometimes? *nervous laughs*

In any case, life has been moving along somewhat slowly these days. My alarm goes off at 6:30, I snooze until 7:00...rush out the door by 7:45 and get to work by 8:00. Every day at work consists of typing reports and answering the same questions over and over again. Once I get off work, I swear to myself that I will make the most of my time and force myself to study for my CBEST which is scheduled for March 17th. Once I get home, however, my exhaustion from the day settles in and I melt into my bed while reading pointless crap on my cell phone. Evidently being on my cellphone is a black hole for time because literally hours will go by before I realize I have to cook dinner or else my whole family will starve (because no one else will cook apparently, and I'm a little bitter about it, ok!) Anyways, all this in saying, my days rarely vary and because of this I feel that life has slowed down indefinitely. I'm hoping things change soon, and for the better!

I wish I knew what kind of change I'm looking for, exactly, but I'm pretty open to whatever. I think this all ties into the fact that I am strangely OK with whatever happens. Stayed tuned, I guess! I promise I'm not as boring as this post lets on...


D