Who am I to stand before a Holy God and be declared righteous?
I write with a contrite spirit and yet an underlying heart of hope. Only this contradiction can be found in the repentance and complete forgiveness I find in Christ. I am restored. I am made whole. "No power of hell, no scheme of man could ever pluck me from His hand..." With every promise and with every truth I find myself slowly ascending out of this mental pit I have hurdled myself into as I am laid low before a King who not only beckons me to draw near, but takes my hand.
I cannot help but to grapple the fact that sin is still very much apart of my human nature and although I am made pure by the blood of Christ, it doesn't change the impulse to choose my sin over obedience to the Father. Do you want to know something? I question my salvation every time a sin exchange happens in my life. It's like I'm choosing to drape myself in menstrual rags because...for whatever reason, I like it. The anaology is disgusting, the reality is even more so.
I cannot deny that David and I share the same prayer in Psalm 25:16-18, 20-21 "Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses. Conscider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins. . .Oh, gaurd my soul, and deliver me! Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. May integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for you."
There's a song by Kari Jobe I absolutely love shouting at the top of my lungs whenever I'm alone in the house. Whenever I need to audibly remind myself of the love I have in Christ. It's just the chorus but it goes...
I know that you are for me!
I know that you are for me!
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness!
and I know you have come now
even if to write upon my heart
to remind me of who you are
I love this chorus for the very reason that it's truth proclaimed and it's straight up empowering. Essentially the promise being he will never forsake us in our weakenesses. Even if they happen multiple times. Even if we swore we wouldn't. Paul mentions in Romans 5:20-21 "...but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, so that, as sin reigned in death, grace also might reign through righteousness leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." Amen. Amen. Amen.
What Satan intends for distruction, God intends for his glory. I pray that we never forget this as we souldier on through this prilgrimage towards our Reward; beholding the presence and splendor of our true King.
faithfulness, faithfulness is what I long for...
~Dierdre
