I've got to admit I am quite surprised!...but this doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of how I truly feel. I am terrified. I am jubilant. I am miserably sick with a cold. I do not feel like myself at all. I am always hot. My breasts are extremely tender. NOTHING sounds good to eat...and while this lack of hunger is probably associated with my cold, Mexican food and seafood give me a special kind of nausea.
It all started when we were in Kansas visiting family. CJ and I somewhat jokingly (but mostly serious) agreed that we could wait on having kids since seeing our nephews. I was feeling fatigued but I just thought this had to do with traveling or not getting enough sleep. I felt a cold coming on, swollen glands and a sore throat, but assumed I would get over it quickly like I always do. My immune system is a beast if I'm being honest. When the cold progressed, I found myself losing my voice, battling a fever and bedridden. All the while, my breasts were painfully sensitive and my period was 5 days late according to my app.
Now, let me remind you that I had to take progesterone in February because I had not received my period since our November 2017. My last menstrual cycle began on February 25, again, due to taking the progesterone. I assumed I wasn't ovulating then...but I guess the joke was on me! HA! -____-
So after seeing a doctor for my cold, I thought it would be worth my while to take a pregnancy test. WHY NOT. I really thought I would just humor myself since I was having PMS symptoms, so certainly my period was right around the corner. When this test started to reveal two pink lines, my stomach dropped. I couldn't believe it. I ran around the house holding the stick. I paced back and forth with my hand on my forehead. I said "oh my gosh" a million times to myself. I immediately called CJ and told him the news. His voice was heightened, "Wait, are you serious?"
So here I am, crippled by a compromised immune system, roughly 6 weeks pregnant. I had laryngitis that demanded I take 3 days off of work in addition to the 4 days I had already taken off for our vacation to Kansas. Every time I tell a stranger that I am pregnant, I cry. I'm nauseous most of the time, but this is probably because I can hardly eat anything because I'm not hungry at all. I am SO excited to be pregnant but I feel that this is constantly overshadowed by how sick I am. Every time I cough I'm worried our baby is going to fall out of my uterus. (Irrational, I know!) We've told a few people: Carla, my mom, Justin, Ashley, Guizz, Ashlynn, Grandpa Fred, my dad, my coworker Matt, both our bosses, Jim and Andy as well as Andy's wife, Elizabeth. I know we really should have limited it to only to our moms and our bosses, but oh well! Something tells me that God wants me to have this child that I have consistently prayed for since we got married in 2016.
Don't get me wrong. I am terrified of miscarrying. I am petrified of labor and delivery. I have pretty low pain tolerance which doesn't help at all. I am terrified about our finances and our jobs. I was supposed to be starting a credential program this Fall, but now, I'll be giving birth in December. Who knows if I will be able to stay home with the baby or if I will need to figure out daycare of some kind. Will I have to pump or can I breastfeed? Will I be a good mom? Will people judge us for being irresponsible?
I have so many thoughts. I have so many fears. But I also have so much excitement. We bought our first baby item today off the Facebook market - a grey changing table for $40. I feel that nesting is going to be in full swing this Summer. Our goal is to keep things as cheap and simple as possible. Nothing over the top. We plan on making the guest bedroom a nursery, vintage Winnie the Pooh themed. Gender neutral. We're going to sell the motorcycle as soon as were right side up on it.
We have a lot of work to do but I am very excited. Overwhelmed with emotion and tissues, but excited.
Baby Peterson is expected this December 2018. Our little Sagittarius. (LOL)
