Sigh No More

It's the third day in a row that I am at the Barnes to write, but I'm actually writing this time. You can't rush these things you know? I type with a peppermint tea and shortbread cookies within reach. I guess you could say I feel very indifferent today. Something isn't right within me and I'm trying to write with the hope of hitting the epicenter. My temples hurt from wearing my glasses all day. My eyes ache from staring at a computer screen. My finger tips are sensitive to tapping the keys because I've chewed my nails down to little nubs. 

First, can I just say that I am the most boring 20 year old in all of existence? Who the heck comes to Barnes & Noble...on a Friday night...to write!? Aside from students I guess. But were still on Christmas break! So there's really no excuse. While majority of my peers are going out on dates, having coed sleepovers, drinking and partying...I'm here. Glasses. Tea. And and empty chair across the table. I'll share a little secret with you though. I'm slightly prideful about this moment. Innocent joy that no one has thought of yet. HA! At least that's what I tell myself anyway. One day my kids are going to look up at me, grab my hands and ask me what I did for fun when I was younger. With slight hesitation, I'll sweetly say "I drank tea and wrote on my blog." I can already see there little chest deflate with disappointment. "Mom. That's not fun!" Hahaha, maybe I'll make something up to better entertain their imaginations. My babies. I love them so much and there not even a realistic thought yet, considering 'Mom' and 'Dad' haven't even yet. 

I have dinner plans at 6pm tonight. Scratch that. Make that 7:45. I'm staring at the front door wishing something exciting would walk into my life. I feel like I'm always looking at doors these days, holding my breath to see if opportunity knocks. My legs are crossed and my left foot is shaking like it does when I'm found thinking. Boy, I could go for an adventure right now. Or a suspenseful mystery. A romance would be preference...or possibly even a thriller? Who am I kidding. Can someone please explain to me why I feel like my life hasn't started yet? Or maybe it has, and with this mindset I am stuck on the ground self-inflicting my confidence, preventing myself from taking flight.


Life is happening right now, am I wasting it?
Dierdre