Ticking The Night Away

I can hear my wrist watch ticking from across the room because it's THAT quiet in here. (my room) It's...absolutely perfect. An ideal setting for a writer to hear their own thoughts at an audibly high volume.

When I close my eyes though, I hear the coarse grinding of coffee beans as the aroma fills my nostrils, expanding with my lungs. The room is dimly lit and my bistro table is placed conspicuously against a brick wall, which has been accessorized by large canvas paintings with bright colors. The soles of traffic can be heard clicking across the wood floor, only to be muffled by the rug which lay by the entrance...or the exit for that matter. My cheeks tighten and pull my lips into a crescent moon only to meet the crescent moon rim of my coffee mug....

When I think of relaxation, my mind trails off into this low key café experience that unfortunately only exists in my dreams. Pretty sad huh? I heard that Portland has some pretty great cafés. But let's be real...I live in Temecula. For now at least.

It's perfectly normal to keep a box of thin mints on your nightstand right? Whew. I thought so. I'm actually really surprised I've even still awake right now. I did a low impact weight workout around 8:30...then proceeded to take a sleeping pill to help me pass out. Usually the combination of physical exhaustion and 50mg of Diphenhydramine knock me out. I don't want to say I have insomnia because technically I would have to get diagnosed???? but I am showing symptoms of restlessness...or "underlying medical illness" as the back of the bottle suggests. My underlying illness? Sin. Just straight up sin in all of it's ungodliness. Let's just be grownups and call it like it is.

The scary part is that what I've been struggling with is something that can be covered up very easily. Not to say this justifies the sin whatsoever but it sure as heck makes it easier to get away with!...over and over and over again... Sometimes trying to understand why we do the things is beyond us. At least this is the conclusion I've come to...pertaining to myself in this area. It takes something or someone out of this world, whose is also in tap with the very core of our beings, to reveal the reasons for our choices. I really need to start scabbing up my knees a little, and become more acquainted with the floor. Prayers that come from a tangible, physical position of submission to God are so humbling that one has no choice but to be in awe of the Creator of their soul! Why have I let this kind of praying cease? How could I? He must reignite our flame from the ground up! Well...at least mine.

My sin has insnared me and I lack sleep this week because of it. I'm constantly turning my brain onto the 'low tumble dry' setting...which ultimately messes with my ability to shut down. Take it from me. Avoid that 'low tumble' setting at all costs!!! Processing every little detail can and will drive a person insane. Thankfully, I've been insane for a while now. So this is old news to us :)


I must conclude, but thanks for reading this far. I'll have more to share this weekend when my hours are  plentiful and my thoughts, succulent.

babbling,
Dierdre